Oh, my poor bike! It's in a sorry state of affairs. Three of its four cables are rusted through and snapped, The back brake hasn't worked in a year, I had to hacksaw off the front derailleur since it kept derailing me, and neither of the shifters work, as they're rusted shut.
Clearly, it's time for a change of pace.

• The problem

11.1.05--my bike is stolen! Problem solved.
I grab an old orphaned one from miters (courtesy of robot) and fix it up a bit. She's named Zoe now.
Zoe